Meleegy's Blog

My Place in The World

I have lately been thinking about my place in the world. I am 30, employed, living in Amsterdam, and spending my days between work, the gym, and cooking and cleaning. Every day, week, and month feel the same. Sometimes I think, "surely, this can't be it." Something more remarkable is possible. Something more noteworthy. Something that I would remember for years to come. Most days, I sit here and I ponder the same thing. It's so hard to answer. It's so hard to think outside the box when all you've seen is the box. What is out there? How can you find out? What is even the realm of possibilities?

It's true that you will be much happier doing something you love, or you are passionate about. But it always seems that what you have tried is a very, very small fraction of what's actually out there. It's such a small fraction that there is a nagging feeling that you should explore more, try more, see more of what's out there.

The point is not a spiritual revelation, or a mental or physical destination that leaves a huge impact. The point is the path, the experience itself one goes through to get to the destination, company and all.

The world we live in is increasingly online, and increasingly smaller, even if it feels endless. Seeing the world, through a screen, making friends with characters on Youtube, or talking through a tiny rectangle to friends at home, all of these fail to fill the void - a void that gets larger day by day.

No coffee or beer are enough to fill that void. No amount of work will make a lonely life suddenly feel full.

But what's the answer? Is it possible to just sit here and dream of glory? Dream of creating a remarkable life, dream of truly living? One can't just go outside and wish a remarkable life into existence. So what are the ingredients of a remarkable life?

In 30 years, I have never done something crazy. I've been in situations that turned out to be crazy, but I have never done something crazy. I was always afraid of looking stupid, looking foolish, being laughed at or looked down upon. But what do I have to lose?

What's holding me back? What's limiting me from living a remarkable life? What does that even me?

I guess I have a lot of questions.